Books That Suck, Part 1: Obsidian

Hello, hello! Welcome to my first installment of a blog series I’m running called Books That Suck. As you can (hopefully) tell by the title, I will be using these posts to rip apart and trash books that I have recently read that well, sucked. Feel free to join in on the bashing, OR defend the title. I’d love to hear your side either way!

OBSIDIAN :: JENNIFER L. ARMENTROUT (or Twilight With Aliens)

obsidianThis book …. oh my soul, this book. I honestly can’t even remember why I thought it would be a good idea to read this piece of crap. JUST LOOK AT THE COVER. I should have known. But I must have read some “rave” reviews somewhere because no shit, there I was reading about some hot, douchey alien.

Yup, you heard me. A mother f-ing alien. The main character’s love interest is some E.T. dude who instead of being all green and slimy is hot as shit. At least I think so? I don’t know, I was only told EVERY FREAKING SENTENCE that he was a babe. And that his eyes were like, so green. His abs? Steel. And oh my god how hot is he taking off his shirt. KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS, YOU WALKING HORMONE! I don’t care about alien dude. 

Enough about Douche Face. The prose was also non existent. I’m pretty sure if I gave a monkey a typewriter and first grade education, it would knock out something better than this crap. The whole book was filled with a shitty first-person narrative, a main character that said things like “forevah” and “his hot alien mojo”, and enough grammatical errors to give an English teacher a hernia. Who edited this, anyway?

Finally, the plot. It went through the whole Twilight “I know what you are” nonsense for the first half of the book, coupled with the typical “I hate you. Let’s make out. Okay”, only to turn into some half-assed Department of Defense plot twist, which I won’t ruin in the off chance that you lose your mind and decide to actually read this piece of kindling. I DON’T EVEN KNOW. I had the stank face on the entire time, and frankly wasn’t even paying attention. I just wanted to be done.

gross

My husband has seen me read some ridiculous books, but even he agrees that this was the most ridiculous of them all. Thank god it was a library book and I didn’t actually waste any money on this travesty. Although I would have like to have my own copy for the sole purpose of shredding it when I was finally done.

Why does this have 4.5 stars on Amazon? Seriously makes me question the human race.

**********

I’d love to hear from you! Did anyone else hate this book as much as I did? Or maybe you loved it? Judging by the ratings, I know there’s a lot of you out there. I’d love to hear your side of things!

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